Back on hold.

Looks like our IVF process is back on hold til I have no idea when. We didn't get the loan from the bank which means we don't have enough money.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Its killing me inside to know that our dreams may never become a reality and its killing me. I don't know where to turn or where to even look anymore. I feel like the one thing I want most in life is being taken from right underneath me.

I hate life right now. I can't take anymore.

I called the insurance knowing that Timmy's procedure was more than likely not covered, but thought I'd try anyways and now I'm even worse than before because its not covered. I'm a mess. I hate this. I can't take it. I don't understand why people have fertility problems. It shouldn't be like this. No one should ever have to go through this. It totally fucking sucks. It should be mandated in every damn state that insurances should cover infertility. Its crap that they don't. ughh..
okay enough venting. I need to get stuff done for our trip to Columbus tomorrow.