I'm so excited that we have signed and sealed the deal =) We have all the money for our IVF in June! I'm so excited and that barely describes how I'm feeling! I can't believe that this time next year I might have a little one to hold and cuddle! Carly tells me that I should have 2 baby cousin's so Timmy can have a boy and we can have a girl! haa
I'm so happy that its finally all coming together! I have to call the office tomorrow to ask them when I should place our order for our donor, plus pay off whatever I owe them!
This is definatly a new journey about to begain and I'm siked! Hopefully this will soon turn into a miracle!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Yay!
We just got approved for our loan! We are getting 8,000. Its not as much as we wanted so we could pay off our CCs but we will be able to pay off one now and one at the end of May!!!! So we will be starting BCP with May's period and IVF in June!! I was thinking we had to wait one more, but we don't!! AHHHHHHHH I'm flipping out! I about started crying in Red Robin when we got the call! We will go sign on Wednsday and then we will be ready!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
okay now that i got that out. I need to go clean!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
okay now that i got that out. I need to go clean!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
So scared.
I'm nervous, scared, nausious, everything. I'm worried. I'm 5 days late. I really don't know why. I thought I was going to start a few days ago, but it never showed. I can't take a test. I don't want to see another BFN. I know if I go buy a test it'll be a waste. I got crampy feeling when I think about it. I think I'll wait a few more days then I'll decide what I will do. ugh.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Fighting feelings vs reality.
We are going to be headed in this week to a new bank where hopefully all will help our dreams! I'm very very nervous. I'm scarred. I have so many emotions right now its crazy. I had a breakdown last week and it was awful. It was a very hard week for some of my family and it was just awful. I couldn't take no more and I seriously didn't know what I could do anymore.
I have now gotten over that feeling and trying to work on becoming a better person and finding a better way to get my emotions through. I'm very nervous for this week, and very scarred. I don't want another breakdown. Maybe at this point I shouldn't go, but I know we probably won't even hear anything that day, it will be a few days. I'm praying with all my might that this last $3,500 comes through. Technically we only need $2,500 but we want some breathing room to make sure we have some to spare incase something comes up.
If this money really does come through I will seriously be on a high, but then at the same time I have feelings about what if it doesn't work?! What if we just spent 12,000 dollars on something and it didn't work. I read all these awful stories about how women have tried and tried 3-4 IVFs and they didn't work or ended in a miscarriage. It scaries the crazies outta me. I'm in a state of now wondering if adoption would be better. That would be more waiting because of the whole process, but at least we would be guranteed a child of some sort right!
If this money doesn't come in then what?! Still no baby and more waiting. I really don't know what we will do next.
Yesterday someone played an awful(to me anyways) joke. So last year I thought it was funny to say Oh I'm pregnant blahh. Not this year. I about flipped a lid when I read that message. All I could think about is why not me?! Damn it! Maybe I'm selfish or whatever, but they have kids. They don't know what its like. I think maybe its my hormones. It really hurts at the fact that we have a very very small amount of sperm to work with, the fact I can't ovulate on my own, we have no other options, but to shell out 12grand for our dreams to HOPEFULLY come true.
Don't get me wrong I think its so awesome when someone tells me their pregnant. I seriously love kids no matter what, but it kills my body just a little bit more each time I hear it. OVER and OVER and OVER again.
I swear no one was ever pregnant when we weren't trying, but now that we are it seems the whole world is pregnant! The names I had chosen for all our future kids a year and half ago, I didn't know one person with any of them names, now everyone is having a Savannah, Collin, Bentley, Brooklyn.. We are still sticking with our names its just crazy at how different it is now =/
Well thats enough of my rant now. I'm so exhausted I think I might just go to sleeeeep!
I have now gotten over that feeling and trying to work on becoming a better person and finding a better way to get my emotions through. I'm very nervous for this week, and very scarred. I don't want another breakdown. Maybe at this point I shouldn't go, but I know we probably won't even hear anything that day, it will be a few days. I'm praying with all my might that this last $3,500 comes through. Technically we only need $2,500 but we want some breathing room to make sure we have some to spare incase something comes up.
If this money really does come through I will seriously be on a high, but then at the same time I have feelings about what if it doesn't work?! What if we just spent 12,000 dollars on something and it didn't work. I read all these awful stories about how women have tried and tried 3-4 IVFs and they didn't work or ended in a miscarriage. It scaries the crazies outta me. I'm in a state of now wondering if adoption would be better. That would be more waiting because of the whole process, but at least we would be guranteed a child of some sort right!
If this money doesn't come in then what?! Still no baby and more waiting. I really don't know what we will do next.
Yesterday someone played an awful(to me anyways) joke. So last year I thought it was funny to say Oh I'm pregnant blahh. Not this year. I about flipped a lid when I read that message. All I could think about is why not me?! Damn it! Maybe I'm selfish or whatever, but they have kids. They don't know what its like. I think maybe its my hormones. It really hurts at the fact that we have a very very small amount of sperm to work with, the fact I can't ovulate on my own, we have no other options, but to shell out 12grand for our dreams to HOPEFULLY come true.
Don't get me wrong I think its so awesome when someone tells me their pregnant. I seriously love kids no matter what, but it kills my body just a little bit more each time I hear it. OVER and OVER and OVER again.
I swear no one was ever pregnant when we weren't trying, but now that we are it seems the whole world is pregnant! The names I had chosen for all our future kids a year and half ago, I didn't know one person with any of them names, now everyone is having a Savannah, Collin, Bentley, Brooklyn.. We are still sticking with our names its just crazy at how different it is now =/
Well thats enough of my rant now. I'm so exhausted I think I might just go to sleeeeep!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)