I'm going to start back from the very beginning!
In December 2009 my husband and I decided we were going to try and get pregnant. We went all the way til March and still wasn't pregnant. My periods had been so heavy and painful and I just needed to go ahead and go to the doctor and get it looked at anyways, so in March I found a new ob/gyn. I had my appointment and he wanted to do an ultrasound. That came back normal. We decided that since my family has a history of endometriosis, we did a laparoscopy and D&C to check to see if anything was wrong there. Luckily there was no endo, and nothing was really wrong, but extra tissue in my uterus, which he cleaned out. My periods lightened up, but were still painful and he said nothing can be done, but birth control and since we were trying that we couldn't do that.
We tried our hardest the next few months to get pregnant. In May we had a progesterone level blood test done. I hadn't received the results until my June period. (The results showed I didn't Ovulate) In June, my period was very very heavy with lots of big clots again and so much more painful than anything I'd ever experienced. It lasted a total of almost 20 days. I went in to the doctors and I had to see a different one than my own. He gave me provera and sent me on my way. I took it and it would stop a few hours after I'd take it, but be back by the next day, still very heavy. I woke up every morning with a crazy mess. I did nothing, but cried because I didn't know what was going on, I was always feeling dizzy and it wasn't good. I called the doctor a few days after and told them what was going on and stopped the medicine. They said my progesterone levels weren't good and I wasn't ovulating and he prescribed me Clomid (50mg) and said to start that and then come in on day 21 for a blood level. I started the Clomid. The day after I started I passed something very very painful. In this clot was a grayish looking thing, that resembled a fetus. My heart sank as soon as I seen it because it looked very much like a fetus. I never tested to see if I was pregnant before my period because it came a day early. I called my husband in to look and see what he thought and he said I don't know what it is. I sent a picture to my cousin to see what she thought as well as posted it on a site to see what those ladies thought. Everyone was asking me if I was pregnant. I honestly don't know. After taking the pictures I asked Timmy what I should do with it, he said I don't know, so I just put it in the toilet and flushed it, not even thinking twice that they could of tested it.. =/ Anyways I called the doctor on call, I hung up a few times knowing my doctor wasn't on call, but I finally got the courage, and she told me that she doesn't know what it is since she can't see it. She said that I could bring it in and they could test it on Monday, but I didn't even think twice when flushing it. So she told me there was nothing I could do, but I could take a pregnancy test. I did and the darn thing was broke, it was flashing between pregnant, not pregnant, and the little hour glass. I didn't have anymore and wasn't gonna run out at 12am. I accepted the fact that I won't never know. I cried for the next few days because I just felt in my body before that, that I was pregnant, but now I will never know. I mean my period was crazy long and heavy and all that, but I don't know. Anyways at my day 21 progesterone level my number was 16.5 and they said it was really good. I wasn't holding my breath though after what I'd went through and I was bleeding/spotting up til day 18/19. Well I was right, on to July..
So in July, my period wasn't bad at all except for cramps, but I just stood in hot showers and on heating pad and stuff and it did its job. Another round of 50mg Clomid. Levels that month were only like 6.3 or something like that. When I got the news I just cried because I knew I didn't ovulate.
Then in August, again my period wasn't bad, but cramping. Still another round of 50mg Clomid. This month my progesterone levels were at 9.0 I think.. The nurse told me that I didn't ovulate and it just broke my heart yet again. My emotions were so crazy on Clomid and I was having hot flashes and everything every month.
So I waited for my period to show up. Well it was really really bad again. I was thinking oh freak here we go again. I can't take anymore. I was a few days late and I just couldn't take anymore. I ended up going to the hospital because I was so dizzy which I hadn't felt since June, I was so weak. I was gonna go on day 1 of my period because it was heavy, but decided not too, and ended up bleeding so bad within an hour and half time span in bed that I called the doctors office and they told me they couldn't get me in and my doctor was on call at the hospital and to just go on to the hospital. So I waited for Timmy to get approved to leave work after going in just three hours earlier and he took me. Timmy seen my pads and knew I wasn't crazy so that's why I went. I get there and they get me back and the nurse practitioner came in and did a horrible exam literally. I had to lay with a damn bed pan under me while they stuck that thing up and they swabbed and she was like oh this isn't bad. I was like if it isn't bad then why is it I just went pee not even 10 minutes ago, my pad was full from the time I left home to here (20 minutes max and sitting on my butt the whole time, which normally doesn't make it bad) and it was crazy, then when I just looked my pad was soaked?! I even showed her. She said oh its not that bad and said they was going to do a pregnancy test to be sure. So they did and left the pee on the counter and came back and told me I was being released. They didn't test my f-ing pee, they didn't do nothing, but are sending me home to follow up in 2 days with my doctor. I cried all the way outta the hospital telling Timmy I wasn't going through another month of this, I'm getting a hysterectomy! (Oh and my freaking bill came, and it had the pregnancy test that was 69 f-ing dollars on it.Yeah I called and complained!!) So I follow up in 2 days and of course my period wasn't as bad when I got there. Both mornings after the hospital I was waking up with blood all over.. He said that he was going to start me on a 4th round of Clomid. I said well the nurse said I didn't ovulate and this would be the second time so doesn't that mean something. He said no its fine and that I did and blah blah. I said well I need a break. I'm so tired of all the side affects and I just need a break before doing this again. I said while we wait can we send Timmy to get a semen analysis, which the doctor agreed.
I got him in a few days later then we waited for the results. They said it would be at my doctors office by Monday, so I gave them a few days to call, but heard nothing so I called them. We then got the most horrible news that any couple who are trying to get pregnant could hear. The nurse said that Timmy's sperm count was severely low. She said that I had two options, one to come in and talk to the doctor and decide whats best from here, or two refer me straight to a specialist. I asked her what if I came in and talked to him about it first or will that just be a waste? She told me that with these results he will tell me to go to a infertility specialist and that IVF is probably our only option because we both have problems. My heart sank because our insurance covers nothing infertility wise and I knew IVF is something we couldn't afford. I was trying to hold in my cry til I got the info for the infertility doctor and then I barely could say thanks, bye, before I busted into tears. Timmy and my cousin were there when I found out and I couldn't even get it out to tell them. I finally told them, then got ahold of myself and called the infertility doctor and had my first appointment scheduled for November 3rd.
I spend my two and half weeks racking my brain and getting myself prepared for the fact that we might not ever have our own biological children. I did research on international adoption and you had to be older or couldn't be fat and all this. I cried more.. =/ Looked into domestic adoption, but I'm so scared of things like birth mom's changing their minds and all these different things, but I just thought to myself that one day god will bless us with the right little one (Savannah Joy/Bentley Joseph) and if domestic adoption or even fostering is what god wants for us then that will be whats best!
This whole time we had kept our secret of trying because we didn't want anyone knowing til we were pregnant, but this just broke me down. I ended up telling my mom and she was so supportive. She just gave me her best advice and I just felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I was so done hiding this because me going to the doctors every month was getting suspicious and all this stuff and I just needed to let it out. I'm glad she was on our side. I finally could vent about it and I didn't give a care in the world who knew because I just really needed the support from who ever would listen to me vent. I'm just so glad that people have been there for us and support us through this journey..
(Next post will be on my first infertility specialist, this post just got way to long!)
In December 2009 my husband and I decided we were going to try and get pregnant. We went all the way til March and still wasn't pregnant. My periods had been so heavy and painful and I just needed to go ahead and go to the doctor and get it looked at anyways, so in March I found a new ob/gyn. I had my appointment and he wanted to do an ultrasound. That came back normal. We decided that since my family has a history of endometriosis, we did a laparoscopy and D&C to check to see if anything was wrong there. Luckily there was no endo, and nothing was really wrong, but extra tissue in my uterus, which he cleaned out. My periods lightened up, but were still painful and he said nothing can be done, but birth control and since we were trying that we couldn't do that.
We tried our hardest the next few months to get pregnant. In May we had a progesterone level blood test done. I hadn't received the results until my June period. (The results showed I didn't Ovulate) In June, my period was very very heavy with lots of big clots again and so much more painful than anything I'd ever experienced. It lasted a total of almost 20 days. I went in to the doctors and I had to see a different one than my own. He gave me provera and sent me on my way. I took it and it would stop a few hours after I'd take it, but be back by the next day, still very heavy. I woke up every morning with a crazy mess. I did nothing, but cried because I didn't know what was going on, I was always feeling dizzy and it wasn't good. I called the doctor a few days after and told them what was going on and stopped the medicine. They said my progesterone levels weren't good and I wasn't ovulating and he prescribed me Clomid (50mg) and said to start that and then come in on day 21 for a blood level. I started the Clomid. The day after I started I passed something very very painful. In this clot was a grayish looking thing, that resembled a fetus. My heart sank as soon as I seen it because it looked very much like a fetus. I never tested to see if I was pregnant before my period because it came a day early. I called my husband in to look and see what he thought and he said I don't know what it is. I sent a picture to my cousin to see what she thought as well as posted it on a site to see what those ladies thought. Everyone was asking me if I was pregnant. I honestly don't know. After taking the pictures I asked Timmy what I should do with it, he said I don't know, so I just put it in the toilet and flushed it, not even thinking twice that they could of tested it.. =/ Anyways I called the doctor on call, I hung up a few times knowing my doctor wasn't on call, but I finally got the courage, and she told me that she doesn't know what it is since she can't see it. She said that I could bring it in and they could test it on Monday, but I didn't even think twice when flushing it. So she told me there was nothing I could do, but I could take a pregnancy test. I did and the darn thing was broke, it was flashing between pregnant, not pregnant, and the little hour glass. I didn't have anymore and wasn't gonna run out at 12am. I accepted the fact that I won't never know. I cried for the next few days because I just felt in my body before that, that I was pregnant, but now I will never know. I mean my period was crazy long and heavy and all that, but I don't know. Anyways at my day 21 progesterone level my number was 16.5 and they said it was really good. I wasn't holding my breath though after what I'd went through and I was bleeding/spotting up til day 18/19. Well I was right, on to July..
So in July, my period wasn't bad at all except for cramps, but I just stood in hot showers and on heating pad and stuff and it did its job. Another round of 50mg Clomid. Levels that month were only like 6.3 or something like that. When I got the news I just cried because I knew I didn't ovulate.
Then in August, again my period wasn't bad, but cramping. Still another round of 50mg Clomid. This month my progesterone levels were at 9.0 I think.. The nurse told me that I didn't ovulate and it just broke my heart yet again. My emotions were so crazy on Clomid and I was having hot flashes and everything every month.
So I waited for my period to show up. Well it was really really bad again. I was thinking oh freak here we go again. I can't take anymore. I was a few days late and I just couldn't take anymore. I ended up going to the hospital because I was so dizzy which I hadn't felt since June, I was so weak. I was gonna go on day 1 of my period because it was heavy, but decided not too, and ended up bleeding so bad within an hour and half time span in bed that I called the doctors office and they told me they couldn't get me in and my doctor was on call at the hospital and to just go on to the hospital. So I waited for Timmy to get approved to leave work after going in just three hours earlier and he took me. Timmy seen my pads and knew I wasn't crazy so that's why I went. I get there and they get me back and the nurse practitioner came in and did a horrible exam literally. I had to lay with a damn bed pan under me while they stuck that thing up and they swabbed and she was like oh this isn't bad. I was like if it isn't bad then why is it I just went pee not even 10 minutes ago, my pad was full from the time I left home to here (20 minutes max and sitting on my butt the whole time, which normally doesn't make it bad) and it was crazy, then when I just looked my pad was soaked?! I even showed her. She said oh its not that bad and said they was going to do a pregnancy test to be sure. So they did and left the pee on the counter and came back and told me I was being released. They didn't test my f-ing pee, they didn't do nothing, but are sending me home to follow up in 2 days with my doctor. I cried all the way outta the hospital telling Timmy I wasn't going through another month of this, I'm getting a hysterectomy! (Oh and my freaking bill came, and it had the pregnancy test that was 69 f-ing dollars on it.Yeah I called and complained!!) So I follow up in 2 days and of course my period wasn't as bad when I got there. Both mornings after the hospital I was waking up with blood all over.. He said that he was going to start me on a 4th round of Clomid. I said well the nurse said I didn't ovulate and this would be the second time so doesn't that mean something. He said no its fine and that I did and blah blah. I said well I need a break. I'm so tired of all the side affects and I just need a break before doing this again. I said while we wait can we send Timmy to get a semen analysis, which the doctor agreed.
I got him in a few days later then we waited for the results. They said it would be at my doctors office by Monday, so I gave them a few days to call, but heard nothing so I called them. We then got the most horrible news that any couple who are trying to get pregnant could hear. The nurse said that Timmy's sperm count was severely low. She said that I had two options, one to come in and talk to the doctor and decide whats best from here, or two refer me straight to a specialist. I asked her what if I came in and talked to him about it first or will that just be a waste? She told me that with these results he will tell me to go to a infertility specialist and that IVF is probably our only option because we both have problems. My heart sank because our insurance covers nothing infertility wise and I knew IVF is something we couldn't afford. I was trying to hold in my cry til I got the info for the infertility doctor and then I barely could say thanks, bye, before I busted into tears. Timmy and my cousin were there when I found out and I couldn't even get it out to tell them. I finally told them, then got ahold of myself and called the infertility doctor and had my first appointment scheduled for November 3rd.
I spend my two and half weeks racking my brain and getting myself prepared for the fact that we might not ever have our own biological children. I did research on international adoption and you had to be older or couldn't be fat and all this. I cried more.. =/ Looked into domestic adoption, but I'm so scared of things like birth mom's changing their minds and all these different things, but I just thought to myself that one day god will bless us with the right little one (Savannah Joy/Bentley Joseph) and if domestic adoption or even fostering is what god wants for us then that will be whats best!
This whole time we had kept our secret of trying because we didn't want anyone knowing til we were pregnant, but this just broke me down. I ended up telling my mom and she was so supportive. She just gave me her best advice and I just felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I was so done hiding this because me going to the doctors every month was getting suspicious and all this stuff and I just needed to let it out. I'm glad she was on our side. I finally could vent about it and I didn't give a care in the world who knew because I just really needed the support from who ever would listen to me vent. I'm just so glad that people have been there for us and support us through this journey..
(Next post will be on my first infertility specialist, this post just got way to long!)