Didn't turn out how we planned.

I don't get it. I don't know why us?! I was so ready for today and very hopeful all to get it turned upside down. I feel like giving up. I really don't know what to do. How are we ever going to afford IVF? Timmy's changed everything in his diet, he's on vitamins, he takes colder showers and yet his sperm count is still very low, lower than when he went for his semen analysis. =/
This month is hitting me hard. Its been one year since we started trying and we still haven't gotten our miracle! I don't understand! There are so many horrible people out there that don't even want kids can get pregnant off the bat, but people who really want kids can't! I don't freakin get it! I'm sick of month after month of let downs. I'm so discouraged, but trying to stay positive. I hate crying all the freakin time. I try and hide it, but damn I can't hold it back anymore.
Why can't we be mommy and daddy?! Ever since I was little I've always wanted a HUGE family and now my dreams are crashing down right before my eyes. Every month when my period is back I just want to give up. It has gotten worse and worse. In my heart I know it will be all worth it in the end, but seriously when is enough enough?! Is there ever that point?? My heart is breaking and I can't take anymore. I want to get this off my mind, but I can't. Its something I've always wanted and I just can't understand why it won't be?!
I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I want a family!