I did an awful thing today and I know that I can't believe these results, but damn. Why did I pee on that damn stick????? I was standing so strong knowing I didn't want to take that test. If that dang spotting and the awful cramping It was negative. I have read everywhere that its probably to early and some people don't even get a positive on an HPT. Its still in my mind that it didn't work. I don't understand what is so wrong with me that I can't have a baby. Am I that awful of a person that god doesn't want to gove me that gift?? I don't understand.
If I get a call on Friday that the results are negative I don't know where we are going to go next. We have spent all of our savings on this IVF cycle. We have a loan because of this cycle. I know that we have little frozen embryo's that are waiting for their turn, but we don't have the money to do a frozen cycle right now. I don't even know if I want to go through another roller coaster cycle. Where do you go from here? How are so many women that go through the same exact thing and they can be so strong, but I'm so weak.
Lord let me make it through til Friday and please pray these results were wrong!
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